C: Mauer (eeeee!)
1B: Morneau
2B:
3B: Crede
SH:
RF: Cuddyer
CF:
LF: Span
PITCHING:
- Liriano (8 innings)
- Guerrier (closes)
BOTTOM O’ THE 6TH:
HOLY. CRAP. HOME. RUN. TIGERS.
TOP O’ THE 7th:
Morneau is up, gets on base.
Kubes is up. I want to see him clean-shaven one of these days. FULL COUNT, AAAND … he’s walked?? That makes me feel weird. Jim Leyland is ready to throw it down out on the mound. Guy’s kiiiiinda thug.
Crede is up. Hits it deep to the right field corner for a double, Morneau runs one in. Number 24, you complete me.
HOLY EFFING SHIT CUDDYER HITS IT DEEP AND A TWO-RUN TRIPLE AND OMG I NEED AN ADULT! Suddenly, Cuddyer has become a beast in the past few games. I’d crawl over broken glass to sniff the breath of the guy that washes his dirty uniform.
Apparently it’s 80s night in Detroit, and I see a gaggle of Storm Troopers in the stands.
Young is nailed by the first pitch, although he tried to get out of the way. Good one, Brandon Lyon.
Squeeze play courtesy of Dirty Punto, but Cuddyer is tagged out.
Cuddyer has a 5-game hitting streak, according to Dick and Burt. BEAST! I take back all the things I said; baby I promise it’ll never happen again, I’m a new man …
Span’s up, hopefully getting Denarded in here. Chops to the left side, it’s missed by the fielder, and bases are loaded with Young, Punto, and Span.
Casilla and his huge wad of chew are up. He wants it, BAD, by seeing him swing at this. Lifts it to left, fielder doesn’t get it, Punto went crazy from second and ran in with Young. Up 6-1 … holler!
Dreamyburns is at the plate. That hit on May 1st still makes me a little weak in the knees. Please, MauMau, don’t get all hurt again. Strikes out; he’s sorta blowing it tonight at 0-4 so far.
Morneau is up after his bromantic partner strikes out. Ooooh, Morney doesn’t like that call. My mom is like, “did he just say a bad word?” Chops one to second, thrown out, and the inning is over. BUT, that was a killer inning.
TOP O’ THE 8TH:
First base coach is beaned with a line drive. Oy.
BOTTOM O’ THE 8TH:
Liriano pitching. Guerrier is warming up. Gardy is on his way out after Polonco hits one to left, missing Crede and bouncing to Span.
Guerrier is on the mound, and Ordonez has some crazy frickin’ hair but is thrown out thanks to Crede. One run is scored, 6-2.
TOP O’ THE 9th:
Burt v. Nightcrawlers? Looks like my hero is gonna eat two worms for a Parkinsons charity. Apparently Burt’s dad had Parkinsons – you go Burt. “I am not an animal, though – I am a HUUUMAN BEEEING.” He also ate crickets and goldfish, according to Dick.
FUCKING GOMEZ SMACKS A HUGE ONE DOWN THE LEFT! It was almost his first homerun of the year! GoGo: marry me!
Punto hits one and sends Gomez to third.
Span is up, and gets his fourth hit, driving in Gomez and heading to first.
Casilla beats a relay to get on first, but Span is thrown out.
Dreamyburns has already struck out twice tonight, but bounces one to second, and threre’s three outs with the Twins ahead 7-2.
BOTTOM O’ THE 9TH:
Put that rally cap away, Tigers fan in the stands. No, you can’t have a win. Not yours.
Guerrier strikes out Guillen.
Laird is up. Pops one up and Cuddy totally gets it.
Guerrier gets the third out, easily, and the TWINS FRICKING WIN.
Hopefully Jerry White, the first base coach, is doing okay.
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